Ok, well I'm feel a lot better now.
I love feeling better.
Anyway, I sat my second-to-last exam today at the school that I've been doing it all through. Although I'm educated at home, I still have to go into a school to do the actual written papers and the only one in the area was my old school and I really didn't want to go there, so I've been going to one about 10 miles away from where I live, which is a bit of a pain to get to. I had to get up at half 6 this morning so I'd be on time. I'm surprised I have any energy left.
I absolutely love the school I've been going to. After my "schoolphobia" ordeal, I thought I'd freak whenever I went near one, but this school is brilliant. Everyone is really nice and friendly, the guys are hot *ahem* and it has a really nice vibe about it (the school, not the guys, of course...) My old school was like a prison cell but this one is so open and green. So, naturally, now I want to go to the Sixth Form there.
I'm annoyed that I've started feeling like this now. The college I've applied for have said they'll have me, so there's no need to look or think about anywhere else. Maybe I've been too vague with myself with my "keeping my options open" approach. The Sixth Form offers a far wider range of qualifications that I'm interested in than the college, and now I've looked at them I've even started to doubt the ones I've chosen to do at college.
So I decided to step back and have a look at the situation from an "outsider" perspective. I want to go to college because it's so different from school, and after all it was the school environment that drove me insane. My brother goes to the same college, so we can get the bus together (pfft, can't see that happening! He'll completely shun me). Also, I see it as a means of independently pushing myself out into the world. Getting the bus by myself and doing other activities such as being a part of the college newspaper team or the radio show are stuff that I could only do at college...
I want to go to Sixth Form because it's all very arty in appearence, it's a lot smaller, people seem nice and they offer stuff like Philosophy which would be amazing to do. It would be the same length of time on the bus and they don't offer a programme which allows money off of bus tickets so we'd have to fund that somehow. But I'm thinking that I only want to go to Sixth Form because after going there to do exams for two years that it's familiar to me, and maybe I'm mistaking this "friendly atmosphere" for something that I know and have learnt to deal with, and so it's not a threat anymore, making me think it's friendly. Does that make sense? It sounds confusing to me, and I'm the one typing it...
I guess I'll have to decide sooner of later, because I'll have to send off applications and what not...