I broke up with my boyfriend.

I've been trying to for the last few months. It's been an incredibly hard thing to do. He's very controlling, very manipulative, so he'd always make me feel bad for doing it and I'd change my mind.

The night before I broke it off, I completely broke down. I told my Mum everything that had been said, and she told me to take a look at it from a third persons perspective. I did, which made me feel even worse.

I can't even read his name at the moment, it makes me want to cry. It kind of feels like a very close friend has died, which is a bit strange really considering the circumstances.

I haven't been that upset today, just a bit mopey really. I can't really relate to any of my friends, because I'm the only one who has ever had a break up like this before. So the only one I'm really talking to is my Mum, and to be honest, I think she's all I really want at the moment. Pfft, so much for growing up and dealing with it all by myself.

I haven't told my brother yet, but I'm sure he knows. I don't know how much this will effect my life, or in which ways. He is my brother's closest friend, and my Mum sees him almost like a son. I loved him, but I was so unhappy. I felt like bit by bit I was losing control over my life. And his own emotional problems made is even harder to cope with my own.

It's for the best, it's for the best.

Haha.

That's what I keep telling myself.

Give me a week, and I will have forgotten all about it.